It’s hard to live a life full of anxiety. I have been living with mine for as long as I can remember. I don’t remember the last time I genuinely felt at peace with myself. I feel that right now is the time to share a few facts about my anxiety that happened to me before WonderCon.
Being irrational is a terrible crippling flaw of anxiety. When I am hit with irrational thoughts it cripples my life. Just recently, I had begun to prepare for travel to WonderCon. Traveling doesn’t seem like such a big deal for me because I do it all the time. Anxiety, on the other hand, makes it a big deal. Weeks leading up to the big trip I could not shut off the back seat driver thoughts.
“What if I forget to check in for my flight.”
“What if I check in too late for my flight.”
“I won’t be able to sit with my friends.”
“What if the Air BNB is a disaster?”
“What happens if the flight get’s screwed up?”
“Did I book the right airport to land at?”
I think you can kind of get the theme that is persisting here. You see it is very hard for my brain to do the simplest tasks. It’s even harder for my brain to turn off those back seat drivers. Half of my brain is so excited because I knew that I was going to be attending WonderCon for the first time with my podcast and it was going to be such a blast. The other half of my brain couldn’t stop thinking of all the scenarios of what could go wrong.
I became very moody and on edge the weeks leading up to the trip. Any mention of the trip and I would just go off on a tangent. I wasn’t mad at anyone or mad about the trip. I was mad at myself for allowing my brain to control me. I was mad at my anxiety. I crave for my life to be normal. I want so badly to not have to worry. In the words of Newt Scamander, “My philosophy is if you worry, you suffer twice.” It is just too bad that my irrational thoughts can’t get on board with this.
After all this worrying and backseat irrational thoughts I made it to WonderCon. The moment I stepped off the plane I got a tiny anxiety attack where I wanted to run away but I went to the bathroom and splashed some water on my face. I did a few breathing techniques and I was alright. The anxiety disappeared the minute we stepped into the Anaheim convention center. As soon as I saw the convention floor it was like I found my safe space. I was surrounded by the industry I love with the people that I love. Every booth I got to visit was outstanding and took me away from all my worries. I got to meet some incredible people and enjoy myself. We even got to go to downtown Disney and have dinner at the rainforest cafe!
I love the phrase, “Sick Not Weak.” It’s true. I am hindered by my own mind but that doesn’t make me weak. It makes me strong enough to overcome my own demons and enjoy myself. I get to inspire and make myself proud every single day I overcome something I think I wasn’t able to do. I didn’t think that I was going to make it all day on the convention floor without having an attack. I didn’t think that I was going to be able to walk from the convention center to downtown Disney. I didn’t think that I was going to be able to attend panels without feeling trapped. But I did it. This makes me STRONGER.
I’d like to confess to all of you that I’m not perfect. I am a constant work in progress. But I am living proof that you can do anything. You can get out of bed, get on a plane, attend a huge comic convention and the most important thing…you can enjoy yourself!
I wanted to share my experience in hopes that it inspires and encourages you guys to take a risk. It may just pay off in rewarding experiences for yourself. If you take that leap of faith make sure you share it with me.
If you take that leap of faith make sure you share it with me. I want to be the first one to congratulate you.